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Beloved eldest grandaughter, we have not heard from you since Noah started thev ark. Are you OK?We heard you were having landlord problems. Do you want me to come to Washington, D.C. and take careof him? LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU

My grandfather just can't seem to figure out why I don't respond back instantanteously to his many forwards and chain letters. So as if to alert me of my own disappearance and make me feel like a jerk, the subjects of his most recent emails have been an endless strand of question marks.