From Rwanda, with love

SOPW's good friend Lisa (L) moved to Rwanda for the summer. What follows is an exchange between her and her grandparents Herb (H) and Ev (E) in Philly over Skype. If you dig this, you can follow her other adventures here.

E: Your grandfather! He calls you when I'm on the pot. You just can't trust him.
H: Ev, you said to call her.
E: Anyway, Lisa, how are you my pizza?
L: I'm good, how are you?
E: Oh, you know, talking to you, I'm just great. So about this blog. I don't understand. Your mom says you update it everyday so I have to check it everyday. What does she think I am? A rich woman?
L: Grandma, it's free.
E: Oh, well... how do I know when you're on?
L: I don't have to be on for you to check it.
E: Well, then how do I see it?
L: It's like a website, and I update it. You won't see me.
E: But, I saw you once.
L: You saw the picture I put there.
E: Oh, well, how are the kids?
L: What kids?
E: The kids you are helping... teaching.
L: I'm not teaching kids.
E: Herb, I told you she's not teaching kids.
H: I never said she was.
E: He's such an idiot.
L: Well, I really have to get back to work...
E: Oh ok. What do you eat there?
L: I had goat the other night.
E: What?
L: Goat.
E: Stew?
L: Goat.
E: Stew?
L: Goat.
E: Oh.
L: Well... I should be going...
E: Who do you live with?
L: Grandma, I'm sorry, I've really got to go...
E: See Herbert! You used up all her time! Look what you've done.
L: Ok, well, I love you guys.
E: Yes... love you too! Herbert! How do you turn this damn thing off!
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Subject: Mexico danger

Dad & I just heard on Fox News they are urging tourists not to go out after dark in Mexico. They did not specify what areas of Mexico. We are both very worried about you. Please do NOT go off your resort. Remember 1/3 of the hotels in Puerto Vallarta are boarded up. There were 6,000 kidnappings in Mexico last year. We love you so much & don't want anything to happen to you. The drug cartels are extremely dangerous!!
Love, Mom & Dad xoxoxoxoxoxo
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Switching to digital

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Travels

Thinking of you already at work this morning. It is still dark here.
Sorry they let you into their country.
Lilley got caught half way under the fence. We had to excavate her
out. I guess it is official she has become a porker. I love you MOM
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Hoop-la

What is this I hear about you getting a fellowship. Your nana e-mailed me with your message but I couldn't open the attachments. And are you having fun in Washington with all the inauguration hoop-la. I now have had surgery on both my eyes to remove cataracts, and all is well. It's been too cold for me to go out except to go to the doctor for follow-up. Stay warm.
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Not at the Table!

So last night I was at dinner for my grandfather's 73rd birthday. The whole Horwitz clan got together for a big family meal at a very nice, very intimate Italian joint in the valley. Before long, my cousin whipped out his shiny new iPhone (yippee), and someone brought up how excited they were that Google Earth can now show 360 degree views of your street. I find this to be creepy as hell-- next thing you know you'll be able to Google someone's address and get a live hidden cam feed of them in their kitchen frying bacon while dancing the cha-cha to Barry Manilow's "Copa Cabana". I don't do that I swear. (I rock the macarena) Anywho, I digress...

So someone handed the iPhone to my grandma, who began to play with a 360 degree view of my dad's street. First, the thinkable happened; she couldn't grasp it. Then, after trying and failing to get an aerial view of the street, the unthinkable happened; she said it... 

"It's not working. I can't get it up!" 

I immediately had to use all my restraint to resist saying "That's what she said!", but the fact that I was at a family function in a quiet, upscale restaurant kind of made it easy to hold back. 

However, my grandfather, apparently a bit hipper than I'd thought, was not so self-restraining. He leaned over and 'whispered' to my Aunt (his daughter mind you)..."Well it would work just fine, if she'd just play with it a little!" 

My grandfather is pretty hard of hearing so, his version of a whisper is slightly above the accepted form of "indoor voice". I didn't know whether to be horrified by what I'd just witnessed or give the man a high five...

...that's what she said!

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Kind of hot and incredibly scary

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